


Heart of a Coward

by mellowminty



Category: SMITE (Video Game)
Genre: A CONFESSION FIC!!, F/M, ITS A CONFESSION FIC GUYS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellowminty/pseuds/mellowminty
Summary: i have the heart of a coward; here in my arms is exactly where i want you...Nu Wa finally resolves to tell Susano how she truly feels.





	Heart of a Coward

**Author's Note:**

> this is my fav ship ever i love it theyre so cute god bless. i hope you enjoy this lil piece!! title quote is from 'We Own the Night' by _Dance Gavin Dance_.

She smiled. 

There was a certain charm to doing something as classic as watching the sunset with someone- it was a bit overused, she could admit, and at her age she had seen countless sunsets. All were slightly different than the last, but all had the same gorgeous hues of red and orange, were all like fire across the dimming sky. 

It was cool outside, the air rapidly chilling as the day turned to night. A light breeze carded through her braided locks of auburn, the hair stroking her mostly exposed back. The ground underneath her was softened by a blanket she’d insisted on bringing with her, but she could feel a few stray blades of grass lightly poking at her thighs. It wasn’t uncomfortable by any means- in fact, she was extremely satisfied. 

Perhaps that lent more to the man beside her, than the weather conditions. 

When she looked over at him, he glanced at her- and smiled teasingly, quirking a brow. Was she staring? Maybe… Probably. He was hard to look away from, sometimes. Well built, handsome. Pretty hair. Rugged, but she found herself attracted to that. One of his hands was over hers, his thumb tucked under, grazing her palm. His hands were rough, but that was to be expected of a swordsman, and she didn’t mind it. It was a nice contrast to her smaller, softer hands. 

They fit well together. She adored it.

She couldn’t exactly name much she didn’t adore about him, though. Sure, he had a temper, and was a bit violence-prone, but he’d not done anything damaging recently. Actually, around her, he’d become… calmer. Had she done that? The affection might have been all he needed to set himself straight. 

The wind drew his scent closer to her. He always smelled like the ocean, natural and soothing. Being around him made her feel as if she was standing on a cliff, watching the tide roll in, sea salt wafting through the air. It was calming and organic, another thing she loved about him. Loved…

Nu Wa had refrained from using that word. 

It carried weight, strength. She was afraid of it, afraid of what the consequences of her using it would be. The desire to pour her heart out to him was gnawing at her chest, giving her anxiety unfit of her godly status. 

She was sure he didn’t mind her emotion. As a Goddess, she was expected to be regal, warm, kind, and secure. Other emotions were unbecoming, things she shouldn’t display. Everyone expected absolute perfection from her, placed her on a golden pedestal she didn’t want to be raised onto. While she appreciated being that revered, it placed pressure onto her to be the exact image she was made up to be. 

He… he didn’t think of her that way.

The power difference between the two of them was something he’d noted a few times, but it never changed his opinion of her. She felt comfortable around him- comfortable to be the person she really was, not the flawless perception she was held to. She loved that. She loved him. 

Nu Wa rested her head against Susano’s shoulder, leaning against his side. He took his hand off of hers and instead wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in. It was comforting to know that he enjoyed her touch, just as she enjoyed his. She nuzzled his shoulder.

“Susano?” 

Stormy eyes glanced down at her, a dark eyebrow raised in a silent urge; ‘Yes?’ At first, her emeralds stared into charcoal-brown, but she soon cast her gaze downwards, feeling anxiousness bubble up in her chest.

“I… need to tell you something.” 

“What, do I smell like booze or something?” Nu Wa giggled nervously. 

“It’s … serious, Susano.” 

The glimmer of mirth left his expression, replaced by a hard sternness. He seemed both worried and confused, which drew a frown to her lips. “It isn’t that bad. I promise.”

His expression didn’t change. She exhaled. 

“I…” How was she going to get what she wanted to say across? This was awful. She felt like a child, confessing to her first crush, hoping for a kiss on the cheek instead of a lifetime of teasing. She could feel his fingers tapping on her upper arm, a nervous tick of his. Normally, she found it adorable- but at the moment, it was contributing to her own anxiety. 

The serpentine goddess took another breath, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I appreciate every moment we spend together. Your companionship has made me very happy. I’ve been wanting to speak to you about this for some time, but I never quite found the courage for it.” She paused. His fingers stilled. “I want you to know… that I…” 

“... What?” She could tell he was growing unsettled by her hesitation. Perhaps she should just stop there, or make something up like she’d done in the past, or- “Just tell me, Nu Wa.” The impatience in his voice rattled her chest. It wasn’t a pleasant modifier to his tone. 

She took a silent moment. 

It wasn’t too late for her to retreat, for her to say something entirely different. Before, she had managed to get through thanking him for his friendship, but never quite made it past that. Her fear held her back, pinning her roughly to paranoid thoughts of it going completely wrong. 

Yet, when she looked back into his eyes, she knew she owed him the truth. That, and the sincere feelings of affection she was certain he’d had a serious lack of. He didn’t display any knowledge of love, companionship, the security of knowing someone else desired your presence and attention. He seemed to act on impulse, on what felt right- not what he’d experienced as being a typical, appropriate reaction.

He needed to know.

“I… love you. No, I’m in love with you.” She cast her gaze at her lap. “I know that… you must not be looking for a serious relationship, but I couldn’t keep pretending that I didn’t have these feelings for you.” He shifted- she could feel, not see, his movement. “I was afraid you would not want to be around me anymore, if you knew how I felt. I hope we can remain friends, at l- Susano?” 

He wasn’t looking at her anymore. In fact, his head was turned away from her completely, his shoulders seeming devoid of their normal strength; perhaps she was simply looking too far into the way his form seemed to loosen. She frowned, straightening herself, placing a hand on his arm. “I… am sorry, if I upset you, I-” Two fingers tucked under her chin, curling inwards, urging her head to tilt upwards, silencing her- she complied. In a brief moment, he’d turned and tipped his head downwards, preventing her from speaking entirely.

Kissing Susano was refreshing, like taking a breath of fresh air. He tasted like a rainy day smelled, sharp yet pleasant, and it sent a feeling of warmth trickling down her spine. His lips were slightly dry, as they always were, but they were easily moistened by the contact. He always kissed insistently, but this time, even more so- it was almost desperate, the way his mouth moved against hers. Her eyes flitted closed, simply indulging in the caress, not worrying about what his response _meant_. 

Her eyes opened when she felt a dampness on her face, and the slightest taste of saline on her lips. 

Nu Wa gently pulled away from his hold, green eyes wide with curiosity-- and complete surprise at what she saw. 

Before, she had never believed crying could be ‘beautiful’. The goddess herself was an ‘ugly’ crier- sniffling, red-faced, noisy, messy. She disliked crying for this reason, and, before, only saw it as an absolute negative. A display of sadness a heart no longer had the capacity to bear.

Susano was the complete opposite of her. 

If she didn’t know better, she would have just assumed someone splashed water on his face. The tears fell from his eyes slowly, yet with inexplicable grace. She knew it was uncommon for him to show much emotion at all, and never had she seen him _cry_ \- not even when he recounted things in his past that had resulted in a lifetime of emotional scarring. The worst she’d seen from him were small grimaces that were soon waved off, replaced with a far more neutral expression. 

Still, she frowned- setting aside her own emotional conflict. Her palm met his cheek, caressing his face, her thumb gently sweeping away what moistness it could reach. “What’s wrong?” Her voice was pillowy and light, as if speaking louder would shatter some unspoken oath between them. He laughed softly, mostly humorlessly. Dark eyes met her curious greens for a moment before looking down, off. 

“I don’t know.”

“You’re crying,” She insisted, “why?”

Another short laugh left his lips. “I guess I am.” Nu Wa frowned, her fingers pushing a few stray black strands out of Susano’s face. 

“I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?” She assumed that it was due to what she said, and began retreating- her hand slowly leaving his face. Susano’s arms quickly circled her waist, pulling her into his chest, holding her tightly. One of his hands found the back of her head, keeping her flush against his body. She exhaled, tightened posture soon loosening into his affection. 

“Don’t go.” Even with how gently he spoke, his words held a significant weight. Her lips parted, preparing to question him again, but his voice gave her pause. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I- … I just …” His voice faded off. She climbed onto his lap, snuggling closer to him, encouraging him to continue. “This is just… new.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve …” His brow furrowed. “... No one has ever said that to me before.” Her eyes widened. He wasn’t exactly a young god- younger than her, but he’d definitely lived long enough to have _someone_ say that he was loved. 

“That… That can’t possibly be true. I am sure many have loved you.” 

He laughed bitterly. “No one has. Why would they? All I’ve done is fuck things up.” 

Nu Wa raised her head, burying her face into Susano’s neck, inhaling deeply. His scent filled her lungs, causing her heart to flutter in her chest, a soft flush to rise to her cheeks. Plush, rosey lips pressed to his skin, soft kisses tracing the sharp underside of his jaw. “I love you,” She murmured between strokes of her mouth. Susano’s hand carded through her hair, subtly removing its tie and sending it free. Another stroke of his fingers through loosened it entirely, now-wavy tresses landing over her shoulders and down her back. “I see all of the good in you, Susano. People can change. What happened in your past doesn’t define you.” 

He was silent for what seemed an eternity, his expression decidedly neutral, eyes glancing off as if he was searching for the right response. His fingers twirled in her hair, the extremely short-lived curls managing to occupy his brain while he formulated his response. Finally, he sighed, breath hitting the top of her head. “... I don’t understand you.” 

That wasn’t exactly the answer she was looking for. 

“... Pardon?” 

“I don’t _get_ you. You could literally have anyone you wanted, and you choose me?” The line of questioning was critical, but softened by the uncertainty leaking into his mumbled words. Nu Wa hummed. 

“I don’t want anyone else. I want you.” 

“I’m nowhere near good enough for you.”

“Oh, shut up.” She pulled out of his grasp, her eyes stern. “You’re sidetracking. What is it that you actually want to say?” Susano’s eyes widened, blinking at her- shocked by how easily she read his responses. Hell, he hadn’t even known that he was carrying off on a tangent until she pointed it out to him. He shifted, a movement she immediately recognized as nervousness. It was cute. His emotional displays could be so subtle. 

“... I think you know me better than I know myself. I’d be an idiot to turn you down.” Nu Wa pouted, huffing. “What _now_?” 

“Are you scared?”

“Of _what?_ ” 

“Of _love_ , Susano.” He stiffened. 

“That’s - why would I be afraid of -” 

“You refuse to even say it.” She smiled warmly. “It’s alright, if you do not feel the same way, but I would at least appreciate a solid answer.” His expression morphed from curiosity, to confusion, to concern. His hands found either side of her face, cupping it, staring her straight in the eyes for the first time since their conversation began. 

“You’re right. I love you more than anything, and I’m horrified of it. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I don’t want …. What happened with my sister -” Nu Wa pressed her forehead against his, kissing him softly, briefly. 

“Susano, you have been nothing but sweet to me. I adore your company, and being honest with our feelings towards each other will not change anything that you don’t want to change. I promise you.” Her arms enveloped his body, her head once again placed comfortably on his shoulder- broad, supportive. 

“I trust you, Nu Wa. I’m just not sure if I trust myself.” He returned her embrace, looking out into the now star-clustered sky. “I don’t even know how to love you.” 

“Oh, Susano,” She kissed his cheek, “you already do.” 

They settled together in silence, silver moonlight illuminating the high points of their bodies. He couldn’t find a response to her- and the way the conversation halted was extremely satisfactory. His entire body relaxed, her words dissolving the anxiety his lack of understanding brought. He felt like a coward for shying away from his emotions for so long, simply because he didn’t understand them. He knew _why_ he loved Nu Wa- she was beautiful, kind, dependable, intelligent, witty, powerful, protective, loving -, but the way his entire body felt lighter in her presence was new and confusing. He kissed the top of her head before continuing to stroke her hair- a slow, romantic gesture. 

Susano glanced down at her, drinking in how her body was glowing so majestically under the night sky. Her scales reflected the pale beams, brilliantly luminescent- his hand moved to her hip, the pads of his fingers tracing the outline of reptilian skin, rainbows shifting at his touch. “... Aren’t you cold?” She shifted slightly, looking up. 

“Mmn… a bit, but you’re comfortable.” Nu Wa’s face returned to Susano’s neck, nuzzling him before placing a gentle kiss to his skin. 

“I can be comfortable other places.” She grinned. 

“What are you implying?” 

“I’m _implying _,” Susano began, quirking an eyebrow, “that we go inside. It’s getting late.” Nu Wa hummed, shifting out of the storm god’s embrace. She smiled suggestively, draping her arms over his shoulders, mischievous eyes lidded.__

____

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind that…” A finger twirled a lock of Susano’s hair, an action feigning innocence, “As long as you’ll escort me to my bedroom, perhaps stay a while…” She bit her lip, eyes wide as she bat her eyelashes up at him. Her fingers trailed down his chest, between the solid curves of his pectoral muscles, pausing where the fabric of his top bisected his stomach. Her hand grasped at a blue hem, tugging down- prompting a soft laugh from the object of her affections. 

____

“I didn’t know we had more to talk about.” Nu Wa scoffed at his response, shoving at his shoulders. Unprepared, he made a startled noise, falling backwards and hitting the ground. His hat tumbled off his head, and he reached up to grab at it before the breeze could. Nu Wa kneeled over him, pulling the blanket she’d been sitting on around her. She shifted upwards, her hands on either side of his shoulders, the fluffy fabric coming down over the both of them. Large hands found purchase on the curve of her waist; she leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Short, yet sweet- she couldn’t help but smile afterwards. 

____

That should have been all. Susano had a point earlier. It was late, and she was starting to feel the chill of the night. A comfortable place to rest, under heavy blankets, sounded absolutely wonderful, but… 

____

His lips were _so_ inviting. 

____

She couldn’t help but kiss him again, eyes falling closed as she tilted her head. He hummed against her lips, arms wrapping around her body to pull her in. Her lips parted, closing around the slightly swollen curve of his mouth. Each time she considered retreating, the slow heat simmering within her urged another kiss, urged her to deepen the already sweltering contact. Susano’s tongue traced her lower lip before slipping into her open mouth, where she eagerly returned the action, moaning appreciatively. Without a second thought, Nu Wa rotated her pelvis against him- prompting an inquisitive grunt. 

____

He broke the kiss, taking a couple deep breaths. “Hey-” She dipped her head into the crook of his neck, greedily kissing and sucking at his skin. Susano tugged at her hair- she squeaked, lifting her head and looking him in the eyes. Her pupils were wide, lust-blown; her face flushed, lips rosy and plump. Her chest heaved with her heavy breathing. 

____

“What?” She panted out, sitting up and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

____

“... Not here,” He sighed, shifting under her, “I’d rather not have my dick be tomorrow’s popular topic.” Nu Wa pouted at him, begrudgingly dismounting his hips and standing next to him. 

____

“Alright, but I’ll have to _punish_ you for interrupting me.” She smirked down at him before turning and walking towards the building’s entrance, the dramatic sway of her hips immediately drawing the storm god’s gaze. A chuckle passed his lips, shaking his head in humoured acceptance and following her retreating form. 

____

Something told him he wasn’t getting much sleep tonight.

____


End file.
